Wednesday, December 12, 2007

AIDS MADE JACK NICHOLSON STOP HAVING ONE-NIGHT STANDS:

And now, it's time for a brand new feature on our show . . . News That Would Have Meant A Lot More 20 Years Ago. Today, JACK NICHOLSON tells us how the AIDS epidemic forced him to stop having one-night stands.

He says, quote, "In my lifetime, from World War 2 on, life got freer and freer until herpes, then AIDS. That was the end, ask any bar owner. Things moved to the right.

"Once this idea that you can die from sex got into people's heads, it became a weapon in the hands of stiff, erect, martinet father / parent fascists to suppress sensuality. When you start doing that, society gets rigid, and social life as I knew it was over, fast.

"I loved that era, and it's gone. Everything is about infections now. Anybody under 30 has never known the freedom I knew. They're frightened, they have no idea about alternative lifestyles."



HUGE, IMPORTANT UPDATE!!! PETE WENTZ *IS* INVITED TO THE SIMPSON FAMILY CHRISTMAS:

We have a hugely important holiday update for you: (FALL OUT BOY bassist) PETE WENTZ is indeed invited to the Simpson family Christmas.

We heard last week that JOE SIMPSON would NOT welcome Pete . . . who is dating his daughter ASHLEE . . . to their home for the holidays. And all because Pete has admitted to MAKING OUT WITH OTHER GUYS.

This is NOT true. Pete says, quote, "I think Joe gets a really bad rap in the press. He's always been nothing but nice to me. He even called me to let me know he expects me to show up for Christmas. So there's no truth to that."

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