ATTICA!!!!!

IS TONY PARKER ALREADY CHEATING ON EVA LONGORIA . . . BECAUSE EVA WON'T DO CERTAIN NAUGHTY THINGS???

Most guys probably think that marrying EVA LONGORIA is like hitting the SEXUAL JACKPOT. And then there's TONY PARKER. The guy who DID marry Eva Longoria this past summer . . . and who may already be CHEATING ON HER.

The gossip website X-17 Online says Tony is having an affair with a French model by the name of ALEXANDRA PARESSANT . . . whom he met at HIS OWN WEDDING . . . which took place in Paris on July 7th.

It's not clear how she ended up at the wedding, but Alexandra says Tony kept looking at her all day. They were finally introduced by a mutual friend, soccer star Thierry Henry.

Over the next few months, they started having TEXT SEX and exchanging naughty phone calls. Then, on September 29th, Tony was back in Paris to receive some sort of honor.

It was during this trip that Tony and this skank supposedly took their TEXT SEX to the next level. At the park Park Hyatt Hotel no less . . . the same place where Eva and Tony stayed when they got married.

As for why any man would cheat on Eva Longoria . . . Tony's story is pretty common: He got tired of what she had to offer.

Alexandra says, quote, "He said that Eva, sexually speaking, does not want to do certain things. She does not want to make love in front of a mirror, does not like certain positions and thinks that [spermatozoon] gives acne." (???)

The obvious question is, why did Tony bother to marry Eva in the first place, if he had these concerns? Alexandra says Tony told her, quote, "Everybody has to get married at a point, but [for him] it is still time to enjoy life."

(--X-17 has some pictures of Alexandra, here . . .)

By the way . . . Alexandra Paressant used to fornicate with internationally-known Brazilian soccer stud RONALDINHO.

Last summer, after Brazil was knocked out of the World Cup tournament by France in the quarterfinals, Alexandra told reporters that Ronaldhino was sneaking out of camp every night to party with her. He then threatened to SUE her.

(--And more here . . . PLUS a quick video message from Alexandra . . . in which she seems just a little too excited to be messing with Tony Parker's marriage. Not that it's all HER fault, of course . . .)

TONY PARKER was very quick to deny all of this yesterday. He released a statement saying, quote, "I love my wife. She's the best thing in my life, and I have never been happier." (--Actually, that's not really a denial is it? Still . . . you get the idea.)

Even Eva released a statement . . . saying, quote, "Tony has been nothing short of the perfect husband."

And Eva's rep calls the allegations, quote, "Completely, 100% false and untrue."

JESSICA ALBA IS PREGNANT:

JESSICA ALBA and boyfriend Cash Warren are expecting a child in late spring or early summer.

Jessica and Cash met in 2004, on the set of the original "Fantastic Four" movie. Cash was working as an assistant to the director. They split up earlier this year, but got back together not long after.

Jessica just finished filming the MIKE MYERS comedy, "The Love Guru".

***SHOWBIZ DEATH***

BENJAMIN BRATT'S NEPHEW WAS KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT CAUSED BY TWO PUNKS WHO WERE RUNNING FROM THE COPS:

The 20-year-old nephew of BENJAMIN BRATT was killed early Tuesday morning in San Francisco . . . in an accident caused by two punks who were running from the cops.

The two IDIOTS had stolen a Saturn, and plowed into Kristopher Bratt's car after running a red light. Kristopher and a passenger in the vehicle were both killed. (--Kristopher is the son of one of Benjamin's brothers.)

The thieves were caught and are currently in custody.

The driver is facing several charges . . . including two counts of gross vehicular manslaughter, one count of felony hit and run, one count of evading police causing death . . . and, of course, theft charges and various traffic violations.

(This is why, despite what you see in the movies, or even on those "reality" cop shows, police do everything in their power to AVOID getting into high-speed chases.)

(It's usually a lot smarter to let the thieves go and try to track them down later than it is to put innocent lives at risk.)

(And here we have a pretty convincing argument for that.)

NONSENSE IN BRIEF:

#1.) SHIA LABEOUF is officially OFF THE HOOK for his bizarre evening of drunken loitering at a Chicago Walgreens last month.

LaBeouf actually showed up in a Chicago courtroom yesterday to face the charges, but Walgreens decided not to pursue the case . . . so the charges were dropped.

#2.) For those of you who actually care, "In Touch Weekly" claims that MADONNA and GUY RITCHIE are officially the proud parents of 2-year-old David Banda. David's home country of Malawi has formally approved the adoption.

#3.) Sometimes when ASHTON KUTCHER bends down, he exposes his backside crack. This is what it looks like when that happens . . .

#4.) ARE PAMELA ANDERSON AND RICK SALOMON GETTING THEIR OWN REALITY SHOW???

PAMELA ANDERSON and her new husband, Rick Salomon, are supposedly developing a reality series for the E! network. The show would focus on their married life . . . their Vegas debauchery . . . and, apparently, their work with the homeless.

Here is how one source describes the show to "Us" magazine: Quote, "Think Nick [LACHEY] and Jessica [SIMPSON]'S show, [MTV's 'Newlyweds'], but with a lot more sex and a crazier family life."

E! hasn't confirmed any of this yet, but "Us" magazine says the show could debut by late spring.

(Pam and Rick got married back in October, after a solid month of dating. Although they say they'd been friends for YEARS before that . . . even before Rick made a "name" for himself by co-starring in the Parasite Hilton sex tape.)

(If you'd like a preview of what their domestic lives might look like . . . check out this picture below . . . EVERYTHING about it just screams CLASS . . . especially the dog at the bottom . . .)

#5.) It looks like CHARLIE SHEEN is one of those obnoxious neighbors who goes WAY overboard with the Christmas decorations. Check out this shot of his house . . .

AIDS MADE JACK NICHOLSON STOP HAVING ONE-NIGHT STANDS:

And now, it's time for a brand new feature on our show . . . News That Would Have Meant A Lot More 20 Years Ago. Today, JACK NICHOLSON tells us how the AIDS epidemic forced him to stop having one-night stands.

He says, quote, "In my lifetime, from World War 2 on, life got freer and freer until herpes, then AIDS. That was the end, ask any bar owner. Things moved to the right.

"Once this idea that you can die from sex got into people's heads, it became a weapon in the hands of stiff, erect, martinet father / parent fascists to suppress sensuality. When you start doing that, society gets rigid, and social life as I knew it was over, fast.

"I loved that era, and it's gone. Everything is about infections now. Anybody under 30 has never known the freedom I knew. They're frightened, they have no idea about alternative lifestyles."


HUGE, IMPORTANT UPDATE!!! PETE WENTZ *IS* INVITED TO THE SIMPSON FAMILY CHRISTMAS:

We have a hugely important holiday update for you: (FALL OUT BOY bassist) PETE WENTZ is indeed invited to the Simpson family Christmas.

We heard last week that JOE SIMPSON would NOT welcome Pete . . . who is dating his daughter ASHLEE . . . to their home for the holidays. And all because Pete has admitted to MAKING OUT WITH OTHER GUYS.

This is NOT true. Pete says, quote, "I think Joe gets a really bad rap in the press. He's always been nothing but nice to me. He even called me to let me know he expects me to show up for Christmas. So there's no truth to that."

Don't you just love the news?

QUEEN LATIFAH IS NOT COMING OUT OR HAVING A GAY MARRIAGE:

You can forget those rumors about QUEEN LATIFAH coming out of the closet and marrying her alleged longtime "girlfriend".

She says, quote, "Ain't gonna be no wedding.

"Oh my goodness you guys actually believe that! You can't believe everything you read . . . there will be no major announcement made! The only major announcement I have to make is 'Merry Christmas!'"

Moving Along...

Los Angeles police are investigating a break-in Saturday at the Hollywood Hills home of CHARLIZE THERON. There's no word what, if anything was stolen, or if anyone was on the premises at the time.

In other News...

Don't hold your breath, but AMY WINEHOUSE plans to make it to the Grammys on February 10th.

Her rep says, quote, "Amy is thrilled to be nominated for six Grammys and is very much hoping to attend. She is determined to be ready and well for that performance."

Amy's rep also says she's currently in a program being supervised by doctors. But we don't know exactly what that means.

Let's just hope she'll find her clothes before then!!!!!

GABRIELLE UNION WOULD LIKE YOU TO STOP REFERRING TO MOVIES WITH BLACK PEOPLE IN THEM AS "URBAN" MOVIES:

GABRIELLE UNION stars in a new urban Christmas comedy called "The Perfect Holiday" . . . which opens tomorrow. But if Gabrielle Union hears you say she's in a new urban Christmas comedy, she probably won't be happy with you.

That's because Gabrielle would like us all to stop referring to movies with predominantly black casts as "urban" movies.

She says, quote, "No one calls 'Fred Claus' the white Christmas movie. 'The Perfect Holiday' is a movie about the holidays. It's not race-specific.

"If there's more than one black person in the movie, it's an urban romantic comedy, an urban thriller . . . it's just a flipping movie . . . It's an old-fashioned notion of marketing, and how they like to label things."

HERE'S THE POSTER FOR THE NEW "INDIANA JONES" MOVIE:

Here's the poster for the new "Indiana Jones" movie, "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" . . . which will be in theaters on May 22nd . . .

And the posters from the past three "Indiana Jones" movies...

Gossip Never Stops...!

MOVIEFONE HAS COME UP WITH A LIST OF THE HOTTEST STARS UNDER 25:

Because EVERYBODY has to have their own list these days, AOL's Moviefone website has come up with a list of the 25 Hottest Stars Under 25. (That's hot as in having potential star power, NOT attractiveness. Seven of the names on the list are under 18.)

It was compiled by a list of experts that included a bunch of industry people you've never heard of. . . plus MICHAEL DOUGLAS. (???)

They don't appear to be ranked, so here they are. . . in no particular order. . .

--KEIRA KNIGHTLEY, 22

--DANIEL RADCLIFFE, 18

--SHIA LABEOUF, 21

--EMILY BLUNT, 24 (--You might remember her from "A Devil Wears Prada".)

--KRISTEN STEWART, 17 (--Jodie Foster's daughter in "Panic Room".)

--ELIJAH KELLY, 21 (--Cocolicious "Hairspray" stud.)

--ABIGAIL BRESLIN, 11 (--"Little Miss Sunshine".)

--SCARLETT JOHANSSON, 22

(Ahhh Heck! Check out pictures. . . plus Moviefone's write-up on each choice. . .just click on the photo above...)

SEXY QUIZ: WHO SAID???

"I will never do a nude scene in a movie. Not ever. I can act sexy and I can wear sexy clothes, but I can't go naked."

A.) Jessica Alba

B.) Jessica Biel

C.) Jessica Simpson

D.) Mary-Kate Olsen

ANSWER: A.) JESSICA ALBA.

She adds, quote, "I think I was always very uncomfortable about the way my body developed. I come from a Catholic family and it wasn't seen as good to flaunt yourself.

"I can handle being sexy with clothes on, but not with them off."

(That being said, here are some pictures of Jessica Alba topless. . . but with her BACK facing us. . . from her upcoming movie, "Awake". It actually came out last September in limited release. . . but it opens nationwide this coming February. . .)

MORE RANDOM SEX:

The rumor we heard about CATE BLANCHETT being pregnant was true. She and husband Andrew Upton are expecting their third child in April.

(--They already have two sons, ages 5 and 3.)

"Resident Evil" minx MILLA JOVOVICH gave birth to a daughter. She and fiancé Paul Anderson named their new baby girl Ever Gabo Anderson. (???)

Milla and Paul met when he directed her in the first "Resident Evil" movie. They've been engaged since March of 2003, but they still haven't set a wedding date yet.

(Milla recently revealed that one of her pregnancy cravings was BONE MARROW . . . so she bought a cow's leg, dug the marrow out of the bone and, quote, "slathered it all over bread.")

SHIA LABEOUF WAS ARRESTED FOR TRESPASSING AT A CHICAGO WALGREENS:

SHIA LABEOUF was arrested for trespassing at a Chicago Walgreens.

According to police, Shia appeared drunk, and refused several orders to leave the store. Police were called, and Shia was booked on a trespassing charge.

He posted bail several hours later. A police spokesman said he was, quote, "very courteous and polite."

THE SPICE GIRLS released their first video since 2000 . . . for their new song "Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)". Check out Geri in her bra and sporting some rock hard abs here . . .

Gossip you might have missed!

ENJOY THESE PICTURES OF KATE BECKINSALE BEING SEARCHED BY AIRPORT SECURITY:

They say airport security screeners are overworked and underpaid. But how's this for a perk: Getting to search the luscious KATE BECKINSALE. (!!!)

Check out these pictures of a pretty sexy FEMALE airport screener giving Kate the once or twice over. . .

GEORGE LUCAS has turned to the DARK SIDE!!!

Check out George with his VERY coco-licious girlfriend. Her name is Mellody Hobson, and she's described as a, quote, "multi-millionaire money manager". . . Sheee-yiouza!!!!

NONSENSE IN BRIEF:

If you are looking for a university to attend or send your teenage child...

When LINDSAY LOHAN gets out of rehab, she might head off to COLLEGE. A so-called "source" says, quote, "Despite what so many people think, Lindsay is an incredibly smart girl and always wanted to have that college experience.

"She's looked into a few institutions on the East Coast and will most likely major in something like psychology. At this stage, NYU is a hot favorite."

(Lindsay still has no plans to leave rehab. Supposedly, she's heading to L.A. soon to get some dental work done. . . but once it's finished, she's going right back to Utah.)

NONSENSE IN BRIEF:

"Billboard" magazine and the "Hollywood Reporter" named "Ugly Betty" star AMERICA FERRERA the Hispanic Woman of the Year.

BRANDY'S LITTLE BROTHER RAY-J SAYS HE'S KNOWN THE PLEASURE OF MORE THAN 1,100 WOMEN. . . BEGINNING WHEN HE WAS 10 YEARS OLD:

The World Wide Web of Misinformation says that BRANDY'S little brother RAY-J. . . the "co-star" of the KIM KARDASHIAN sex tape. . . is writing an autobiography called "Sex Machine". In the book, Ray will talk about his more than 1,100 female conquests.

And if that number seems high for a 26-year-old, you should probably know that Ray-J claims he had his first erotic encounter when he was 10.

***THE SEXIEST MOVIE STARS***

ANGELINA JOLIE HAS BEEN VOTED THE SEXIEST MOVIE STAR:

Because it's the end of the year and EVERYBODY needs to issue at least ONE, "Empire" magazine has come out with its own "best of 2007"-type list. It's the Top 100 Sexiest Movie Stars.

They unimaginatively put ANGELINA JOLIE at the very top. Here's the Top 10 . . .

#1.) ANGELINA JOLIE

#2.) NATALIE PORTMAN

#3.) DANIEL CRAIG . . . (--The new James Bond.)

#4.) JESSICA ALBA

#5.) JOHNNY DEPP

#6.) EVA GREEN . . . (--The Bond Girl in "Casino Royale".)

#7.) BRAD PITT

#8.) SCARLETT JOHANSSON

#9.) KEIRA KNIGHTLEY

#10.) GERARD BUTLER . . . (--King Leonidas in "300".)

(--You can check out the other 90, just click on the photo above. . .)

BODY IMAGE QUIZ: WHO SAID??? :

"I don't want to have to be beautiful all the time. I want to be able to look cruddy in my weekend sweats, with a pimple on my face and pimple cream on top of the pimple. The expectation to be beautiful always bothers me."

A.) America Ferrera
B.) Cindy Crawford
C.) Keira Knightley
D.) Cameron Diaz
E.) Britney Spears

ANSWER: B.) CINDY CRAWFORD.

Last week, we saw pictures of Cindy with some M.I.L.F.-alicious softness around her middle. Well, Cindy would like you to know that she's happier with her body than she's ever been.

Cindy . . . who'll be 42 in February . . . says, quote, "I'm actually happier with my body now than I was back then because the body I have is the body I've worked for. When I was 23 other women could look at me and say, 'Well, she's never had kids.'

"But now I have and I know what it's like to have to lose baby weight. It is a huge change for your body. You don't even want to look in the mirror after you've had a baby because your stomach is hanging there like a Shar-Pei."

(--Here once again are those photos of 42-year-old Cindy Crawford in her bikini . . . along with some pictures of a Shar-Pei for comparison . . .)

KATHERINE HEIGL STILL SAYS "KNOCKED UP" IS A SEXIST MOVIE . . . BUT SHE DIDN'T MEAN THAT AS AN INSULT:

Last week, KATHERINE HEIGL called "Knocked Up" a SEXIST movie, because it, quote, "paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as goofy, fun-loving guys."

Well, Katherine is standing by that statement. But she'd like to add some context. She says she actually didn't mean that as an insult.

She says, quote, "My motive was to encourage other women like myself to not take that element of the movie too seriously and to remember that it's a broad comedy.

"Although I stand behind my opinion, I'm disheartened that it has become the focus of my experience with the movie. The truth is, it was the best filming experience of my career.

"Every person that was a part of making 'Knocked Up' helped to encourage, support and inspire me. I never intended for anyone to think otherwise."

If you haven't watched the movie..check out the trailer!!!

Hmmm...Reasons why to always use a Condom!!!!

This is when you know things are R-E-ALLY thick...

I don't think I could handle watching a guy express just how relieved he is that you are no longer his problem...if it was like this!!!!